At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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