He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
