Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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