and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
