he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
