WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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