I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
