college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
