The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
