I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
We have so much sex to catch up on
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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