I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
