he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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