I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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