i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
my phone needs a breathalizer
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
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