I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
