Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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