you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
