He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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