i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
