stop calling my apartment porn island.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
