She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
