It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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