We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
