Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
