You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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