dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
