told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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