Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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