my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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