I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize