New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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