You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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