Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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