im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
