Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
