Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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