Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
