the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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