Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
