So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
