Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
