I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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