6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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