Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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