threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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