Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
