Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
