eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
