Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
