Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Alive.
So much puke
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
