You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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