my sisters under your porch take her home
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
