New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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