after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
