If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
