i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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