I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
